Friendship as a Human Relation
Friends and friendship is an important aspect of human life and living (Herron & Peter, 1998). People start making friends as early as during their preschool ages (Aboud et al., 2003). Some of these friendships last for a long time thereafter while others end shortly after. Thus, friendship is a complex human relation that is experienced by everyone. Even the most seemingly antisocial humans do have friends at some point or at least they have a confidant. As one grows, their friendship demands also grow. As such, the perception that one has on the good or bad side of the friends they have heavy impacts on the future of their friendship. This paper is a review of the importance of friendship in life by relating it to a situation that I found myself in.
While still in elementary school, I made friends with one of my favorite playmates by the name Novak. Our home was close to Novak’s home which strengthened the bond even more as were playmates at school and at home. As we grew up, our games changed but we seemed to enjoy them together. Novak was a great guy to be with. As fate had it, I and Novak went to the same high school. High school life is thought by many to be extremely boring, but not when you have a person like Novak beside you. We enjoyed the fun of high school together. I was not the aptest person when it came to interacting with girls; Novak always had my back there. As adolescents, relationships to the opposite sex and attractions to them define a lot of things, ours was no different. Novak helped me to approach and talk to many girls and even go past that which was extremely cool at high school age. On the other hand, Novak was not so proficient intellectually and I had his back there; I always helped him with assignments and class projects. We went to different colleges and I eventually made it to medical school.
While in college I decided to invest the little I had in a fast food kiosk. Novak being such a close friend, I approached him and inquired from him what he thought about the idea. He fancied the idea and we did some calculations in an attempt to determine the feasibility of the investment. From our calculations, I discovered that I did not have enough money to run the business perfectly. Novak, who came from a well-to-do and always had lots of money with him was one of the people I was looking up to for support. However, Novak cringed at this request arguing that I should only have attempted something, which I was sure I was equal to. However, I solicited for funds elsewhere and managed to get through.
At first, the business was tough. Soon after starting I got into a financial crisis as the debts I had threatened to end my career completely. At this point, my parents were not aware of my investment. Again, Novak was the person I looked up to save me from the tough situation. Once again, Novak let me down. He blatantly refused to help by sighting the fact that I had failed to heed his advice of engaging in what I had the financial ability to. I was forced to seek financial aid from my parents who came to my rescue. I lowered my ego and expectations for the sake of my friendship with Novak. I tried not to complain and understand him even though it was difficult.
My fast-food business eventually picked up and profits started flowing in. it seemed that Novak wasn’t happy about it. According to my girlfriend, who had become a close friend to Novak’s girlfriend via our joint activities, Novak often spoke badly about my success in business. Again, this was unlike what a good friend should be like. A good friend is only happy for one and their successes as if they were their own (Aboud et al., 2003). At the same time, Novak was backbiting me unlike what a good friend should be like; a good friend should be straightforward and face you whenever they have issues with you instead of discussing those issues with other people.
However, in my attempt to be a good friend I always dismissed those allegations as mere girl-talk. Despite the fact that we were separated by distance at this time, I attempted to contact Novak as many times as possible and at all times, his response was positive. I opted not to try and find out if the girls’ allegations were true or not just to protect myself from feeling hurt and isolated. I had decided to forgive Novak if at all the allegations were true.
What went round eventually came around. Novak got in a financial crisis at some point after he decided to gamble with all that he had and ended up losing everything. In fact, he had gone into gambling despite my constant advice against it. Since he did not want his rich parents, who were strict Christians that abhorred any form of gambling, to know that he had lost all he had in gambling, I was the only person who could help him. I was sincere enough to help a friend out of a difficult situation after he promised that he will repay all that he took from me plus an additional interest if I demanded it in a period of two weeks. The funds he required were quite hefty and I had to delve into my business to help him while banking on the promise that everything will be returned in two weeks.
Friends should be supportive (Herron & Peter, 1998). In this case, I tried to be as supportive as possible to a friend in a difficult situation by not demanding for a loan security before giving him the money or demanding for interest when the money returned. With this, I was not only being fair but demonstrating my trust in a close friend. A good friend should be honest and thus trustworthy; there is thus no perceivable risk in trusting a close friend. Things did not go as expected; two weeks elapsed and Novak had not remitted any amount of the money I gave him. In our conversations, he had been very brief and always claimed that he had to hang up because he was extremely busy. However, I decided to be fair enough and understand a friend’s difficult situation. In fact, this decision was almost crippling to my business from which I had taken a good part of the money I gave to Novak.
The days went on and a month was soon over. Out of frustration, I started demanding for my money from Novak more vigorously. In the meantime, my girlfriend always reported how her friend and Novak were having the best time of their life- they were spending time at luxurious sites and hotels and gambling at all casinos in the locality. I had to confront Novak over this issue; I demanded to know why he would not return my money when he was reportedly having a lot of it to spend on unimportant things. This time, Novak hung up on me – I was devastated. Later on, he would not even pick and his girlfriend followed suit. I did not have a way to know Novak’s location as I did not know his other friends. Moreover, I could not involve the authorities since the transaction we engaged in was casual, the details of which had not been documented anywhere.
From the narration above, it evident that Novak failed to live up to expectations. His behavior was very much unlike what a good friend should behave like. First, Novak has proved time and again that he cannot be dependable. Dependability is a key characteristic of a true friend (Koutsoukis, 2006). I could not depend on Novak when I was in a financial crisis despite his better financial situation. Moreover, he proved that I could not depend on him to return the money he had borrowed from me for me to put it to good use in good time.
In addition, Novak was just not honest; honesty is crucial to the existence of good friendship (Herron & Peter, 1998). He engaged in gambling which is in itself an act of dishonesty. He also lied about his financial situation after failing to return the money he had borrowed. It can be concluded that he decided to borrow a hefty amount of money from an unsuspecting friend when he had prior plans of never returning the money. Apart from his dishonesty, Novak’s acts were selfish. An article on http://wonderopolis.org labels a good friend a giver; Novak could only take. The few times he could give to a friend, he declined.
A good friend is one who can be there for you whenever you need them (Harrold, 2003). Novak was something else. He couldn’t support me when I needed his support most and at some point even mocked me for failing to heed his prior advice. Good friends are supportive. Novak failed in this respect. He was very unsupportive both emotionally, socially and financially.
Communication is key in friendship (Aboud et al., 2003). Whether Novak was feeling guilty about the borrowed money or not, deciding to hang up on a friend or looking for trivial excuses to hang up on a friend does not help the situation. Good friends keep communicating despite everything. Refusing to pick up a friend’s call is like murder to friendship. Instead of sincere communication, Novak would gossip about me with his girlfriend. Gossiping is a vice that kills all gains of a friendship.
Furthermore, Novak conspicuously lacked empathy. Empathizing with a friend’s situations as if they were one’s own is a key characteristic of a good friend. In as much as he had harmed my emotions and had almost crippled my business, Novak acted like he cared less – he was enjoying time with the girlfriend. Good friends are honestly empathetic and apologetic. Moreover, Novak was more of a despiser than an encourager.
My life situation exposes the realities of friendship. The discussion above exposes the failures of Novak as a best friend. The discussion also explores the attributes of a good friend and proper friendship that Novak should have fulfilled.
References
Aboud, F., Mendelson, M., & Purdy, K. (2003). Cross-race peer relations and friendship quality. International Journal of Behavioral Development, 27(2), 165-173.
Harrold, J. (2003). Primary health and values. [Balcatta, W.A.], R.I.C. Publications.
Herron, R. W., & Peter, V. J. (1998). A good friend: how to make one, how to be one. Boys Town, Neb, Boys Town Press.
Koutsoukis, D. (2006). Values education toolkit: The six kinds of best values education program. Greenwood, W. Aust: R.I.C. Publications.
