Communication with Children
Introduction
Communication is a bipartite process of arriving at a common understanding between two or more parties (Jensen et al. 2016; Sergy 2017). Nemzoff (2008) notes that during the process, the participators not only exchange information, ideas, news, and even their feelings, but they also develop and share meaning too. Basically, communication is the sending and receiving information between persons. According to Fiske (2010), the sender is the person who is encodes and passes a message while the receiver is the individual receiving and decoding the information. The information passed along include facts, concepts, ideas, beliefs, opinions, instructions, attitudes, and emotions (Fiske, 2010). While Samuelsson (2014) suggests that communication is a medium of linking or connecting persons or places, Locker and Kienzler (2013) highlight that in other aspects of life such as business, communication is a primary function in management. Moreover, Holm (2006) highlights that operations cannot take place in an organisation without communication between the different organisational levels or, between the employees and various departments within the corporation. Therefore, it suffices to say that communication is the only thing behind successful completion of any tasks that require more than one individual.
Types of Communication
The various methods of communication include verbal communication, written communication, and non-verbal communication (the use of body language) (Lunenburg 2010; Jeynes 2007). Verbal conversation entails the sending of messages using a spoken language, which both parties understand (Lnenburg 2010). For instance, a face-to-face conversation, listening to a program on the radio or television,n or even listening to a lecturer in a class is verbal communication (Li 2006). While Papathanasiou, Coppens and Potagas (2016); Bernstein and Tiegerman (2009) describe written communication as conveying information using different symbols, which both participants in the conversation understand far too well, Schmeltz (2012) posits that non-verbal communication is the use of body language in sending information from the sender of the message to the receiver of the same. For example, often one can tell when their bosses are either upset or happy by looking at their facial expressions or when they make gestures or postures. Aptly, embarrassment could be indicated by a flushed facial expression, while clenching of the fists could show rage.
Communication with Children
According to Hyde and Punch (2011), an active conversation with a young child helps him or her to develop a feeling of self-worth, confidence, and good relation with others. Positive communication with children is essential as it makes life with them easier by allowing them to understand their environment, grow, and build social relations (Chai et al. 2011; Koegel & Kern 2006). Relevantly, actual conversation with children centres respects for them. Communication involves both speaking and careful listening, both of which are necessary for the process. Often, in the process of communication, it is always about what people say and how they express it (McCann 2007). As such, positive communication results in the nurture of positive relations and peaceful cooperation from the participants crowned by a high sense of self-worth. However, as MCann (2007) asserts, poor communication with the kids may lead to annoyance, quarrels about petty things, conflicting opinions and feelings of worthlessness. Nevertheles, adults- including parents and the teachers sometimes encounter challenges while trying to communicate positively with children especially when considering associated emotions during communication, either their feelings or children’s feelings (Hyde & Punch 2011)
Concerning the key determinants of how children develop their skills in communication, anything that minifies the parents’ ability to bond and communicate with their toddlers or children may very well affect children’s language, ability to develop normal speech, and excellent communication skills in general. If adults, particularly parents, are to acknowledge their children, all they need is to develop emotion and relate with them (Coombs & Holladay 2011). However, different inequalities or even health issues can affect this emotional availability. Further, by not speaking English as a first language or any common language based on the setting, in itself, it is not a risk associated with normal speech development and proper skills in communication (Coombs & Holladay 2011). Children who establish themselves with the right communication skills through any other language are often able to transfer the acquired abilities to different languages. Similarly, children who live in bilingual homes often find learning new languages easy (Valkenburg & Peter 2007).
Koegel and Kern (2006) reports that communication support needs, including sensory impairments and learning disability, play a part in determining how children develop their skills in communication. Parents and other adults, including the teachers with communication support needs are often less able to get in touch with relevant information and additional supports that may help with their children’s development of communication skills (Koegel and Kern 2006). Other physical health-related factors like the frequency of catarrhal colds ought to be factored in. For instance, repeated, undiagnosed, progressive, conductive hearing loss as a result of Eustachian tube blockage leads to a delay in the development of healthy communication. Additionally, frequent admissions to hospitals or, frequent ailing leaves the child unwell and too tired to develop and learn fast enough (Koegel and Kern 2006). Poor communication skills development can be indicated by the parent’s concern on how the child speaks or communicate.
Therefore, it is crucial that the persons the toddlers or children interact with in their young age speak to them as soon as possible. This aspect is important as it would give children an opportunity to be familiar with the sounds of speech (Fiske 2010). They would from an early age begin to learn word-language patterns while properly developing appropriate communication skills. Fiske (2010) notes that the development of a child’s language and speech is directly affected by how much is spoken to the child and the much the child can hear. Even so, children are still able to communicate what they feel and need even before they can be able to utter a word. They are always able to give a response to what is happening around them. An adult’s response to these many cues is foundational to their future communication. Children build a connection to these cues in their brains. When speech emerges, adults- particularly the parents can support the development of communication skills for children, by positively, sensitively, and consistently responding to them (Schmeltz 2012). The parents can do this by playing or reading together with children. The department of education in England carried out a longitudinal study in 2011 whose objective was to find out the role language plays in the outcome of children’s early education. As Jensen (2016) records based on the findings of this research, at two years, language development predicts the performance of children when they enter primary school.
Case Setting
Children at the nursery are dropped by their parents or caretakers at around 8:30 to around 9:00 a.m. every morning on weekdays. After saying goodbye to their parents or caregivers, they go straight to the practitioners. In class, during work time- a period for social and interactive learning, children get an opportunity to communicate with each other. The classroom is set in such a way that communication amongst them is promoted. Tables and chairs are put all together (in one place) so that when children are carrying out their usual activities, they can communicate from one another’s table. Collaborative plays during break hours also play a role in supporting the communication process amongst children and their practitioners. Further, this communication environment weighs on children’s development of communication skills. Parental-teacher teachings, the books within children’s reach, and how frequent they visit the library all predict how well children develop their abilities in communication. In addition, watching education-based programs support the communication process. In short, this setting and record of activities influence the learning process of the participants, regarding communication, for themselves and others.
Aspects of Communication with Children
Keeping the lines of communication open
The rationale behind this aspect is that, making an effort to maintain and keep promises made to children adds on to effective communication with them. When communicating with children, keeping the lines of communication open encourages them to speak out (Sato & Bradley 2008). Knowing this, in case one is busy and, he or she pretends to listen to a child communicate, it amounts to poor communication. The best thing in this situation is telling the child that you are busy and you will talk later or working on a way to listen to them without any destructions (Sato & Bradley 2008). Therefore, it is not right to trick children: Instead, the questions they ask should be answered honestly. One significant thing that regards keeping the lines of communication open is sharing your feelings and ideas while accepting the fears of the child and acknowledging their feelings and ideas (Sato & Bradley 2008).
At all times, when in class, children need to feel safe emotionally. As such, they need to trust their feelings or thoughts thus, respectively and sensitively responding to their needs is important (Selwyn, Potter & Cranmer 2009; McLeod & McKinnon 2007). This level of trust gives children the breathing space, to be honest about what they need and feel; honest even when children have done something that their teachers may not approve of them (McLeod & McKinnon 2007). Besides, this level of trust enables them to take the responsibility to do what is right. Children who live in fear of rejection and criticism from an adult but even worse from their teachers, or even their age mates tend to invest their energy in hiding the things they do wrong, which often results in cheating and being highly reactive and defensive (Stier 2009). Sometimes, children never seem to be upset when an adult speaks down to them or harshly criticises them. They may not indicate that they are unhappy or worried when they are shut down; but then, in all this, they shut down inwardly and progressively become insecure. Additionally, research has shown that children develop their self-image slowly by slowly and as much as their top-notch reflection comes from their caregivers or parents, teachers play a significant part too (Camiré, Trudel & Forneris 2009). When a teacher shuts down a child, it acts as a barrier to open communication in the teacher-child relationship. Later, it manifests as aggression, defiance, sulking, and refusal to cooperate in many ways (Camiré, Trudel & Forneris 2009).
Adams et al. (2012) note that a child needs to feel secure that his or her teacher see the goodness in them and believes what they do and their potential. Therefore, the teacher-child relationship is more significant until, when a child loses grip of the approval of the teacher, he or she loses control of doing what is right. According to Cirrin et al. (2010), children usually work so hard to keep at bar the warmth and love they see in their parents, fighting against earning it. It is until recently when more extreme consequences hitting children or screaming at them have been considered as negatively affecting children’s confidence, trust, social skills, and safety in the teacher-child relationship (Nishino & Watanabe 2008). Children need to feel the sense of security not just physically but emotionally as well; as Afshari et al. (2009) note, it is so easy for a teacher to make children afraid of the teacher’s projected anger towards them. Still, when children learn to fear their teachers, it costs children’s confidence, thus, a sense of security.
Afshari et al. (2009) explain that when a child lives with the greater risk of harshly being spoken to, he or she tends to feel unsupported, which makes them often unsettled. In addition, when a child feels unsafe emotionally, he or she usually cannot clearly identify or quite express their real source of disappointment often tending to complain about all sorts things that the adults around them do to show that their demands are not met. On one hand, the teacher may feel that he or she is doing everything possible for the child and that he or she is meeting the needs of children in class; but, behind his or her back, the child is grumpy, unsettled, and ungrateful (Castells 2013; Rider, Hinrichs & Lown 2006).
McCann et al. (2007) suggest that, as much as they need to, children may learn not to cry and when this happens, then the honest truth is that maybe, children have learned to conceal their vulnerabilities by developing a control pattern. This is an approach children who have learned this art use to distract them when they feel sad or upset consistently. Children get to associate this control pattern with their needs when they become unhappy and worried about what is happening around them. The characteristic control patterns may include entertainment, drinks, food, or even cuddly toys (McLeod & Threats 2008). As already suggested, it is evident that a child can develop great affection for his or her cuddly toy or, the child can significantly enjoy his or her food. However, in most cases, when the child seeks these things desperately as a solution to shut down his or her vulnerable emotional feeling or as an attempt to block cries, it becomes vivid that a control pattern has set in. If a teacher tends to distract, dismiss, or reason his or her child/student from expressing their feelings, it might lead to the child showing more surface resistive feelings such as anger or defiance (McLeod & Threats 2008). Nevertheless, rarely do children show disappointments, frustrations, grief, sadness, or fear in this situation. This owes to the fact that with the control pattern, children find comfort in it, even though tensions still dwell under the surface promising to resurface again (Selwyn, Potter & Cranmer 2009)
As McCann et al. (2007) suggest, when children cry, they keep their heart soft. Olusanya, Ruben and Parving (2006) highlight that children who get discouraged from expressing their true emotional feelings or those who are prevented from letting out their pent-up emotions often act out of these feelings using unhealthy manners such as expressing too much aggression towards one another or by shutting down completely. Some may become aloof, feel bored, become passively aggressive, or sarcastic in different ways. Consequently, learning to give children or allowing them to expressive their feelings is important. It enables the adult figure around to quickly determine the significance of letting children remain open and honest with them or with the rest of children. They learn to let children let go their vulnerability about their feelings (Lindlof & Taylor 2010). Additionally, children get to seek support and attentively listen to what the adult figure around them says. Besides, it enables the adult character, in this case the teacher, to promote the child to open up. Slowly, they begin to resolve the control patterns they might have acquired and create for them a culture of feeling at peace with themselves; a culture of emotional safety (Castells 2013).
Plester and Wood (2009) note that the traditional methods of parenting tend to only focus on trying to change the behaviour of children with regards to communication. These approaches do not fully explore the underlying emotional feelings that are the driving force of their different behaviour. Forcing children to alter their actions or behaviour by threatening them with punitive measures and imposing consequences does not at all address children’s underlying emotions and their unmet demands. Instead, these approaches put children in the opposition state and thus come with a cost on the adult-child relation. When children do as commanded without taking into account their needs, wishes, and how they might feel, children are primed to do that which is considered best by the commander. Consequently, children do not spend as much time as is required to develop the capacity to honestly identify, feel. and let out their feelings. Hence, they may learn the art of minimizing, denying, ignoring their needs and feelings. They might also become conflicted about trusting themselves as well and according to Penas and Willett (2006), this is an emotional mix-up.
Further, coercing children to do as they are told much of the time comprises the trust between an adult and the child (Camiré, Trudel & Forneris 2009). If an adult asks a child about how he or she feels about him/herself when he or she is criticised or does what they told to do without complaining, with the assumption that the child trusts that it is safe to be open with the adult, the child will surely tell it all and the adult will hear the substantial truth (Penas & Willett 2006). Every child has an insatiable desire always to speak the truth, trusting that it is safe to do and that whatever they say would be respected and will not be used against them. Thus, the trust of children need be honoured, respected, and protected (Blanchard et al. 2009). In addition, when children express their feelings, and show what they think, they provide an insight into their world within them calling out an opportunity to be listened to, an opportunity to understand them and to assist them. Responding to the, in a message that speaks volumes of how much care they are not given, it compromises their trust in the adult figure around them. Their confidence begins to diminish because they are not listened to, their feelings are not cared for, expression of what they feel is denied or dismissed, and they crush and crumble until the trust is again rebuilt; thus, their disappointments need be listened to and supported (Blanchard et al. 2009).
Recommendation
Therefore, it is important to staying connected to children when they express their emotions by crying or feel upset about things which bore, frustrate, or disappoint them gives them a sense of security. They would greatly benefit from advice and guidance from their parents, teachers, or any adult figure around them. Children are much receptive to the guidance and pieces of advice when they feel confident that their cry has been heard and understood. Additionally, it is important to avoid shutting children down as it assists them to grow with the urge to show, release, share, and resolve bad feelings; it would instil a sense of love. Besides, listen to children empathically as it helps children heal their lonely and angry emotional feelings. The secret to solving the problems of children is in listening and assisting children to feel what they feel inside is understandable. Therefore, both parents and teachers can learn to develop the ability to listen to, care for, and bear with children’s first feelings by themselves obtaining supportive listening. Moreover, always give love when children show what upsets and worry them and help them to listen and trust their feelings. From this, they would grab the chance to work through what troubles them and naturally begin to gain valuable insights and feel stronger. Fortunately, they would, in the end, grow to show compassion amongst themselves and towards other people.
Encouraging and supporting children using kind words and actions
The rationale behind choosing this aspect is that harsh words emotionally affect a child. On the other hand, kind words and supportive actions speak to the child’s innerness, of how loved he or she is, which develops a positive self-esteem. Words and actions that nurture help them develop trusting relationships with the adult figure, particularly when they need their problems to be discussed and resolved. Sirvani (2007) highlights that affection is an important element of effective communication and, therefore, comforting a child and exchanging smiles with them are both powerful tools of communication. For example, during morning arrivals, along with the hallway, the school principle greets a child, “Hello, Amanda! How is your morning?” Almost suddenly, at her classroom door, another random teacher says to another child, “It is good to see you, Becky, good morning?” she continues to say, “I noticed how you walked along the hallway to class, it was exactly as we practiced yesterday, kudos!” Later on, another child, say Lorna, starts to harshly speak to another child. Another member of staff says, “Lorna, kindly remember what we learned in class, the use of friendly words.” The point is, in such scenes, it is very easy to notice, see, and hear that the adult figures in school know children (pupils), they care about them, they believe in their potential, and look at discipline as allowing children chose positive acts or behaviour. Again, the overall tone of care and safety is by large set by the positive language of the adult figure (the teacher).
A positive adult language entails the use of professional words and a professional tone of voice to enable children to learn inclusively and in an active way (Hillaker et al. 2008; Vandersraeten & Biesta 2006). In essence, it includes learning about social skills and ways to effectively communicate. To direct children towards choosing a positive behaviour and guiding them to maintain it, the adults in the school, beginning with the teachers, carefully need to choose the words and tone of voice to use while speaking to children. However, it takes time to learn always to use a positive language with children. Still, it is not something that can be done at once. Thus, making enhancements in language will go far to helping children opt for a positive rather than a negative behaviour in their interaction (Park 2008).
Park (2008) posits that adults in a school need to convey belief in children they administer. To choose behaviours that are positive, children in the school need to see themselves as capable persons who equal responsible members of the society in which they live (McQuail, Golding & De Bens 2005). Therefore, adults can use a language that is positive to assist children in building this self-perception. For example, if the school head say to an all-school assemblage, “We will only start reciting our school pledge when everyone is quiet’ hen everyone is quiet, we’ll start our school pledge” or another teacher addresses to class, “Let everyone look at the chart above which reminds us of what we learned yesterday”, it suffices to say that the message is passed on the belief that children want to participate listen, and perform. The words also give children an idea of how they can follow through on their right intentions.
The words adults use convey both their expectations and assumptions about children. In turn, this influences the assumption of children and their expectations (Paretti 2008). For instance, imagine a child, suppose Brenda, early in the morning bouncing through the door of her class. Brenda loves school activities; though, sometimes, she tends to forget the rule of how she is supposed to walk along the hallways. One morning, one of her teachers says to her, “Brenda, today do not think about running to class. I am watching you closely.” Imagine another teacher saying to her again, “Good morning Brenda? I am pleased that today you arrived a school early. I see you are mastering the art of walking safely like we practised the other day.” Different messages are sent by these two statements with the first statement communicating a lack of belief in Brenda’s ability to follow the stipulated rules. The statement also sets the person who speaks as an enforcer of the rule, which undermines the child-adult trust. On the other hand, the second message communicates that the teacher (adult) notices Brenda’s responsible behaviour and good intentions. The message indicates that the speaker has belief in Brenda that she can succeed in it. It, therefore, means that by using a language that is positive to convey a belief in a child’s intentions and abilities, it helps the child internalise an identity that is positive. It also helps the child develop self-control and more awareness. Zillmann and Bryant (2013) posit that the language an adult uses in communicating with the child allows those around form a positive picture of the child, further enhancing the self-esteem of the child, his or her perception of self, generally promoting a behaviour that is positive in nature.
According to Louis and Zeger (2009), it is important to use a direct and explicit language, which is free from sarcasm and innuendo when guiding children, noting the positive behaviour they possess, when stopping misbehaviour or prompting them to follow some set of laid down rules. In short, this is to use a direct language in communication. An adult can calmly and respectively communicate to children using words, facial expression, a tone of voice, and body posture (non-verbal cues). In this way, the shaming and judgment of children are avoided and assist in keeping focus on the positive behaviour they would want to see (Adams et al. 2006). Additionally, it also minimises the likelihood of authority struggles while the reinforcement of children’s behaviour by using a reinforcing language helps in the identification and affirmation of children’s particular positive action (Binger et al. 2010). Nonetheless, it encourages children to continue holding on to the appropriate behaviour. For instance, to a group of children that showed a behaviour that is welcoming towards one another during a lunch break, an adult might speak, “I noticed that everyone was included in the conversation you just had. That helped make the break very pleasant to everyone in the group.” These adult’s words enable children to become aware that an adult figure noticed the positive behaviour amongst children. These words also help children see the benefit they can gain from the interaction with their classmates (Adams et al. 2006).
Zillmann and Bryant (2013) suggest that in encouraging and supporting children using kind words and actions, the adult could do this by naming concrete and specific behaviours. For example, during an art class, the teacher can say, “Pupils your hopes and dreams display indicates that everyone puts careful thought in what he or she wants to learn about this subject this year.” The teacher can also say, “So much detail is illustrated in your work.” Or, she can say, “You have done a beautiful work!” These words enable children to know exactly what they are doing right and what they have not done right. Therefore, they allow children know what they need to keep on doing or that which they need to work on or build on. Further, it is important to give emphasis to descriptions over mere personal approval. For instance, when the driver of the bus remarks to children on the bus, “all of you were safe and friendly today while in the bus. The ride is quite pleasant and sweet for every person when everyone stays in their seats and speaks to their seatmates. This statement focuses on the positive behaviour of children and emphasises on what they can achieve. Indeed, i is a motivating statement, which does not focus on whether the speaker personally likes or dislikes the behaviour of children (Louis and Zeger 2009).
Recommendation:
As Grunig 2013 suggests, to encourage and support children using kind words and actions, use a warm tone that is professional in nature. For example, a kindergartner can say, “Nelson, I observed that you welcomed Brian into your game when he was just standing alone there. I am glad that you reckoned the rule of including everyone in what we do.” Moreover, find positive aspects in all students. For instance, a teacher can say to a child who she recently punished for misbehaviour, “Sharon, I can see you are having a great morning. Today I noticed you stayed focussed during the whole time and you finished your assignment in time.” This indicates that the teacher does not see Sharon as a misbehaved child but, the teacher also sees some positive aspects in her. It enables the child to know the essence of good behaviour and encourages her to keep practising what is essentially right. Besides, name to children nothing but progress. When children know that they are on the right path, they feel motivated to keep on track until they achieve their goals. Making their progress towards achieving their objectives visible gives them the power to continue in their efforts (Grunig 2013).
Conclusion
Having the capacity to communicate effectively is a great skill especially for children in their early years. The early one gets at it the better his or her quality of communication and in turn life becomes. Greenhow and Robelia (2009) note that communication starts from the moment a child is born, with the first cry as a way of letting everybody know that a child has arrived. With progressive development of the child, his or her communication skills are nurtured such that his or her ability of self-expression is evident and that they are confident in all aspects of his or her life. Considering the stages of children’s development, their first contact of communication is their parents, their caretakers, siblings, friends, other adults, and when starting their education journey, they communicate with their teachers and fellow pupils. Children learn or acquire communication skills by listening to an adult figure around them; their parents. Children mimic the words and actions of the individuals they listen to or look up to. Thus, the more a child is communicated to, the quicker and earlier he or she gets to acquire these skills of communication (Rider & Keefer 2006).
According to Shayne (2008), different activities help children improve on their communication skill. For instance, reading enables children to improve their proficiency in communication, it helps in the developmental process of language acquisition and also introduces children to lots of vocabularies assisting children communicate with clarity, making their communication easy. As children grow, when the parents read together with their children, or when they engage with their teachers and classmates in school, it offers a perfect opportunity to discuss thus creating an atmosphere where children can be confidently and comfortably articulate and share their opinions. Playing and interacting with siblings and friends in school plays a part in the development of children’s social skills alongside communication skills. These skills make children feel comfortable in social conditions because it is easier for them to stir up conversations with other people, thus good relations (Perkins & Pfaffman 2006). Further, these relationships will shape up their listening skills and their capacity to interpret body language communication cues.
When a child enters school, the activities in school including class presentations, dramatisations, class discussions and oral examinations become regular activities for him or her (Shayne 2008). All these activities call for the child’s skills in verbal communication. Marzano, Waters and McNulty (2005) suggest that these activities function in honing the skills of communication of the child enabling them to feel confident when conveying messages in social situations. Children who are good at verbal communication often find it easier to communicate in the written form thus, are likely to perform well in school. Moreover, just like any other skill, communication skills can be developed, and with practice, they can be refined. Helping children develop good communication skills from their junior years is a way of equipping children with skills for a bright future.
Regarding keeping the lines of communication open, it is significant to listen attentively for the realisation of efficient communication with children. There is a communication breakdown when there is a failure of attentive listening. In the adult-child communication relationship, children need to feel a sense of confidence, relaxation, and security when they are they are amidst a person they feel they have a good relationship with. The important thing the adult figure around children can do is to talk and listen to them. This fosters the adult-child relationship which aids the child to learn about himself or herself and about the world that surrounds them. On the other hand, concerning the aspect of encouraging and supporting children using kind words and actions, children learn more about excellent communication skills more effectively in the presence of an individual who seems kind to them. They build a good relationship with the person starting by trusting them. In the presence of such a person, children feel that they are accepted and that they are valued and so will be their opinions when they open up. In summary, communication connects people who get to share ideas and gain information about one another thus building upon great relationships (Konijn et al. 2008).
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