Blended Family Counselling
1.0 Introduction
The population of the world is increasing at a rapid rate leading to the dramatic growth of old people in the current communities. Martin-Uzzi and Duval-Tsioles (2013) posit that the issue of interaction between family members has caught the attention of most policy makers around the world. The fact that the population of old people has increased over the years means that the structure of families has also changed. Young people need to look after the elderly; thus, they tend to live close to them. Interest in such family matters is high due to increased cost of living as a result of taking care of the elderly. In the United States, demographers predict that within the next fifteen years, the population of old adults will double what it is at the moment (Gonyea, 2013). It is estimated that the population of people aged more than 65 years will be 72 million (Gonyea, 2013).
Gonyea (2013) notes that due to the global shift in the demographics, many nations are reexamining what constitutes social responsibility to help improve security and positive life experiences for the elderly. Most public discussions are mainly concerned with the availability and roles of family members especially in taking care of each other. Historically, it has been the role of young people to support the elderly. Due to high fertility rates, there is a large number of young people who are available to take care of the old adults: The rates are higher in developing nations than the developed nations (Gonyea, 2013).
The issue of blended families is a point of concern in the modern world due to high rates of divorce and remarriages among people. In the developed countries, divorce rates are quite high. The divorced partners remarry after some time thereby starting new families. When such couples both remarry, they end up getting children with different new spouses (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). The two families then develop good relationships where everyone becomes one family. How people relate with each other in such families affects how children are brought up. There are different cultural backgrounds between people that determine how such people will relate with each other. It is also worth noting that people from different races and geographical regions have different cultures. Due to the differences in their beliefs and ways of life, there may be challenges when such people form one large family. The paper aims at discussing the relevance of blended families to multicultural counseling.
2.0 Blended Families
Martin-Uzzi and Duval-Tsioles (2013) assert that half of the marriages taking place each year are remarriages. Such remarriages are either both or one of the divorced partners who decide to start a new family. They also state that 65 percent of the children in the current world are from a marriage that existed before the new one. Typically, they also add that remarriages occur within a short time after divorce. Most people do not even stay single for more than one year. 30% of the divorced individuals marry after one year (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). Approximately 75% of divorced people end up remarrying after some time (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). It can therefore be noted that only 25% of divorced people will remain single (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). Looking at such statistics, it is apparent that the issue of blended families should be studied because it affects most people living in different parts of the world.
Most researchers have focused on addressing the issue of remarriages regarding two blended families or step parenting. Some of the studies conducted previously compare the first marriages to the remarriages. Most studies such as Martin-Uzzi and Duval-Tsioles (2013) are aimed at understanding how people relate with each other, between the two families and how they view each other. The studies only give concrete and specific data on demographics, but does not give a clear picture of the experiences of remarried couples. Few studies focus the experiences of remarried couples when they become part of blended families. Understanding the structure and the types of relationships between members of a blended family helps improve counseling in case of any issues that may arise (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013).
Couple and stepfamily functioning appear to closely linked. In a remarried family, there are dynamics creating a difficulty between the stepparents, their children and between the couples themselves. Crippen and Brew (2013) argue that some may form a good understanding of each other while others may be frequently involved in conflicts. In a stepfamily, competition develops between the new marital father and the biological father of the child. In most cases, the biological parents win in the competition. Such incidences happen because the biological parent has familiarity and history of interacting with each other as compared to the newly remarried parent who later learns how such a family relates (Crippen & Brew, 2013). It is worth noting that most step parents remarry with a strong commitment to ensuring that they take good care of the children.
However, Martin-Uzzi and Duval-Tsioles (2013) suggest that they do not feel completely secure because there is the fear that they may be rejected by children or may not fit in the new family. The authors suggest that a single parent may have a stronger relationship with their child than when parent gets a new spouse due to various reasons such as shared difficulties. Conflicts between the stepchild and a stepparent may redirect different issues from the new family and create loneliness in the newly married spouse who feels different about the biological father. During such a time, the parent who tries to maintain normal ties to biological children feels guilt about the divorced partner as well as spending time with the new partner. In such a case, the parent who remarries feels that he/she is not offering the best of the children or raising them the way it should be (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013).
Martin-Uzzi and Duval-Tsioles (2013) also state that there is a great threat to marital satisfaction of the remarried couple due to the influence of the spouse who was there before the remarriage. They also assert that living under the influence of an ex-spouse prevents the newly married couple from getting into a new relationship. Such influences from an ex-spouse lead to frequent conflicts of mistrust and children. In most cases, the children become confused of what to do because they may not be sure which way is correct to follow (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). Some ex-spouses may want to take care of their biological children but the remarried partner may not be willing to allow them to do so. As a result, persistence from the ex-spouse over the issue becomes a great challenge to the new relationship.
Children may also find it difficult relating with two biological parents from the same sex. They may feel loved by both or may feel a lot of love from one parent than the other. In the event they feel loved by parent they are not living with, Martin-Uzzi and Duval-Tsioles (2013) suggests that they will most likely become lonely. The main issue with the ex-spouse influencing the new remarriage with different claims is that the new spouse may feel threatened that he/she will lose the lover. If an individual struggle with forming strong bonds of commitment or affection as well as trust with a new spouse, they may be fighting with emotional ties from a former partner. It is recommended that such families should just come together to discuss all issues so as to come into a common ground where every action taken by any partner is agreed upon by everyone. Doing so is important because it avoids future conflicts due to shared responsibilities and common agreements on how things should operate. It is also stated that a prior relationship is supposed to have a positive influence in the new remarriage to ensure that both families relate well with each other (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013).
Role ambiguity is a major challenge to most blended families. Remarried couples need to understand their roles so that they may know what is expected of them so that they may not become a disappointment to their families (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). Marital satisfaction helps in improving the relationship between remarried couples. Decreased satisfaction among remarried couples is mostly related to how complex the stepfamily is and how ambiguous the roles of the parents are. Remarried partners living in stepfamilies usually have children from a former marriage. Due to such a situation, the new spouses become confused because they do not understand their duties as well as ways of ensuring that they carry on their roles as expected (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). In most cases, conflicts arise due to ignorance of what the married couple should do. For instance, the woman or the man may expect their partner to help in certain roles such as paying school fees for children, buying clothes, or food.
On the other hand, their partner may not be aware of what is expected from them. They may end up doing the opposite of what is expected from them. As a result, the partner who expected a certain favor may feel offended leading to anger, conflicts, and different forms of disagreement (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013). The relationships between members of the blended family become complicated such that the parents are not sure what to do to ensure that they may have peaceful relationships with each other. It is important for family members to become consistent in agreeing ad understanding on their duties and rights so that they may not act on the contrary. Ensuring a good understanding of stepfamily member’s rights and roles helps in forming a positive and quality relationship among the members of the family. Children learn to respect all parents whether they are their stepparents or biological parents. How couples and partners in a blended family interact with each other determines how children also relate with each other. If there is a good relationship among the parents’ children will have respect for each other (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013).
Concepts of inter-subjectivity as well as self-psychology are quite beneficial especially in the application to counseling of married couples. The marital parent may be intersubjective where the other party needs to have a sense of belonging, acceptance and affirmation of love (Crippen & Brew, 2013). Most couples need self-object experience which eliminates any problems when counseling is done. It is recommended for couples to determine the validity of each other in relation to the partner’s perspective of life and identifying the things that their partners complain about every time. The complaints presented in such families help in understanding the things that are expected from each other. Understanding such things help in counseling individuals facing frequent conflicts in blended families. It can be noted that the reenactment of conflicts from previous marriages is an important step to ensuring the maintenance or restoring a sense of the happenings in a relationship. Partners in a blended family may have the fear that some change of family roles may require them to sacrifice some of the things they like doing most (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013).
Remarried couples tend to have issues that they bring into the new relationship which may not go well with their new partners. Therefore, it becomes quite challenging for partners in a blended family to understand each other because they are not used to such environments or situations. For instance, Martin-Uzzi and Duval-Tsioles (2013) record that one of the partners may be biased about a certain sex due to certain occurrences. Such a person may blame the opposite sex for failure in marriage leading to constant conflicts and unhealthy arguments. Trust become a major problem as far as understanding is concerned. As a result, the individual who lives with a partner with such beliefs may be negatively affected leading to lowering of self-esteem and feel that they are not respected by their partner. Such a partner develops a feeling of failure and rejection leading to a failed relationship (Martin-Uzzi & Duval-Tsioles, 2013).
3.0 Multiculturalism
According to Mindrup, Spray, and Lamberghini-West (2011), in the recent past, there have been proposals to make education programs in counseling psychology international due to increased challenges of multiculturalism and family therapy. It, therefore, calls for counselors to take leadership positions in promoting understanding between different nationalities and cultures. Doing so requires individuals involved in the activity to initiate communication between different people from various nations around the world. Getting international contacts with people from other nations and cultures helps in getting a deep understanding of how they live. It is, therefore, important that people form organizations that fight for their rights. Most people in the modern world face conflicts with others due to their differences in culture (Wendt & Gone, 2012). It is important for people to develop a good knowledge of how people from different backgrounds live and the way they relate with each other.
People should also use global perspectives to ensure that they meet local needs in situations where they interact with people from different cultures. Mindrup, et al., (2011) record that in the United States, there are increased concerns on multicultural agenda which helps people to understand each other. Different conditions that push the agenda of understanding different cultures include increased rates of migration between different regions, influx of people from different cultures in the United States and recognizing that economics and social policies are interdependent across national and international borders. There is also the fact that knowledge is shared among people across the world through the use of technology (Mindrup, et al., 2011).
According to McDowell, Goessling, and Melendez (2013), the goal of making counseling psychology and family therapy is due to the challenging socio-centrism and the common cultural encapsulation which results to a sense of superiority and self-sufficiency. Most people in the United States believe that there is little that can be learnt from other parts of the world. Such beliefs are not healthy because people do not understand each other leading to constant conflicts among themselves. For instance, a person living in the United States may marry someone originating from a different continent. It is quite clear that the cultures and the ways of life of such people are different. The individual living in the United States has high tendencies of assuming that he/she understands the other party which may not necessarily be the case. Thus, McDowell, Goessling, and Melendez (2013), argue that without counseling, such people may marry only to encounter challenges in the future.
Additionally, McDowell, et al. (2013) note that most counseling programs nowadays encourage exchanges among international students as a way of building cultural competence, global awareness, multicultural sensitivity, and international relationships among their families and those of their friends. Up to now, little research has been done to assess the results of such educational experiences in different institutions (McDowell, et al., 2013). International courses give students a chance to develop a deep understanding of how different cultures mediate various values, relationships, behavior, and attitudes. Such courses also are valuable because they give students ideal learning contexts for developing a sense of self belief and understanding their partners. Such people therefore become aware of themselves and stand understanding societal and global dynamics of privileges and power (Wendt & Gone, 2012). Such an understanding helps to improve relationships between blended families. Therefore, developing an understanding of different cultures can be helpful in conducting family counseling especially in blended families due to the fact that cultures directly affect how people understand each other and the way they solve problems.
Learning different cultures increases the awareness of different societal structures. The study conducted by McDowell et al. (2013) shows that participants of a counseling program on multiculturalism and family therapy developed a deep understanding of different social aspects such as religion, gender, race, and class. The study compared different societal structures in host and home areas of residence leading to a great understanding of how to interact with each other despite their differences. After undergoing the training, participants started to become aware of the things they go through in their families and ways of living with each other in harmony without causing conflicts.
4.0 Implications of Blended Families on Multicultural Counseling
Harper (2011) opines that learning about cultures, family backgrounds, and undergoing counseling practices influences relationships and behavior of people involved. Such counseling practices introduce people to possibilities of solving problems and ensuring that they live in peace with people from different backgrounds. Understanding how people relate with each other and building friendly relationships with people from different cultural backgrounds or countries motivates us to become aware of our feelings, assumptions and biases (Burnes, et al., 2010). It, therefore, increases the chances of us developing good relationships that can lead to marriages. If a marriage results, there are reduced chances of conflicts due to understanding between the couples.
Multicultural counseling also enhances the possibilities for family members and the people they work for to relate in a good way through discovering new ways and perspectives of life. Understanding different cultures expands our knowledge on therapeutic approaches to counseling individuals facing problems in blended families (Harper, 2011). Exposure to different practices in various cultures helps us to develop professional strategies of solving family problems. Understanding different cultures as well as multicultural counseling helps people to become prepared for social change (Hernandez‐Wolfe & McDowell, 2012). In blended families where couples do not have a proper understanding of multiculturalism, it may be difficult for them to relate with each other because will not be in a position to consider what the other party goes through. It is important for couples to understand different family backgrounds so that they may not get disappointed if their new spouses are used to a different lifestyle or beliefs (Alegria, et al., 2010). It is quite difficult to live with a person who you barely understand.
According to a study conducted by McDowell, et al. (2013), participants of their study reported that they had experienced different worldviews during their interactions with friends. The participants of the study were challenged due to the experiences they had while learning about multiculturalism. The respondents stated that they started to see the world in a different way thus realizing various ways and perspectives of living in the world with people from diverse backgrounds. The overall result of studying multiculturalism was expanded thinking. The participants can, therefore, understand different ways of living with each other as well as forming strong relationships with their spouses if they do not belong to the same cultural background. Understanding cultures broadens the horizons of the learner in such a way that they start appreciating other people and the activities they conduct differently. Multiculturalism and family counseling helps to deepen the understanding of people’s origin as well as that of their spouses (Alegria, et al., 2010). The lessons learnt about multiculturalism helps people to become open-minded due to experiences.
Burnes, et al. (2010) posit that learning about different cultures increases the sense of social responsibilities. It also results in understanding the connection between changes in the view of the world, experimental learning, self-reflection, and personal commitment which are all important values while counseling individuals encountering challenges in a blended family. Marriage counselors should learn about multiculturalism because it helps in clarification and different issues. It also helps them to become committed to their professional objectives thus ensuring that they carry out their duties as expected. Learning about blended families results in committed professionals who perform their duties well. The other advantage of understanding blended families is that it helps to work with people from different cultures thus improving on marital counseling (Hernandez‐Wolfe & McDowell, 2012).
5.0 Conclusion
In essence, previous research has shown that there is a close relationship between blended families and multiculturalism. Understanding the structure and the types of relationships between members of a blended family helps improve counseling in case of arising marriage issues. The relationships between members of the blended family becomes complicated such that the parents are not sure what to do to ensure that they may have peaceful relationships with each other. It is important for family members to become consistent in agreeing ad understanding on their duties and rights so that they may not act on the contrary. Concepts of inter-subjectivity as well as self-psychology are quite beneficial especially in the application to counseling of married couples. Learning about different cultures increases the sense of social responsibilities. Such studies also result in improved understanding of the connection between changes in the view of the world, experimental learning, self-reflection, and personal commitment, which are all important values while counseling couples in blended families.
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